Being An Un Married Single Mother English Literature Essay

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Bing an un-married, individual female parent holds so many premises and falsely associated significances of individuality against me. It has been a difficult and disputing way to acquire to where I am now, but I have learnt from all my experiences that have been presented to me in my life-time. I am traveling to portion these with you get downing with my parent ‘s divorce and how it has affected me and how the determinations made, have eventually brought me to the happiest minute in my life, going a female parent. In this essay I will depict and analyze my individuality in the visible radiation of some theories. Society classes us in many different ways and we take on tonss of different individualities and these have changed throughout my different experiences and I will explicate how I felt different people automatically classed my individuality, for illustration being a individual female parent. I will reason how I feel I have learnt from the changing of my individualities and how they have helped me determine my life for the present and the hereafter.

I needed to do sense of my individualities and used narratives to make so. Mackinnon and Heise ( 2010:104 ) said something similar ‘When persons gain or lose individualities that change their lives, they are moved to state a narrative to account for the alterations and do sense of their new position. ‘

Populating life as a normal ‘nuclear household ‘ is an individuality defined by holding an grownup twosome, enduring indefinitely, a household belongings and committedness. This is a signifier of narrative individuality ; which is a position of ego in relation to others and the societal. ( May 2004:1 ) I was populating in this manner and did non even cognize of any other manner of being a household. Divorce rate was still low and at my school I did n’t cognize of anyone ‘s parents being divorced. Populating in this bubble was due to being merely 10 old ages old and non being cognizant of society and the bigger image. But I shortly learnt rapidly as my pa left my Dendranthema grandifloruom and our household was rapidly altering in many different ways.

Our household individuality had changed from being a ‘nuclear ‘ household to a individual parent one and society classed us as being hapless and us as kids non being loved as much and going unruly. Unfortunately being hapless was true as my female parent worked as a baby’s room nurse and the pay was non plenty to back up us. We struggled but non for long as my female parent decided to make something about being hapless ; and to educate herself to go a instructor and gain more money to be able to raise us as the ‘norm ‘ . Society did n’t see that my female parent was seeking to alter the manner we lived alternatively we was ever taken commiseration upon and given a difficult clip for non being able to afford the latest tendencies and was ridiculed for holding free school dinners. The finding in my female parent had a positive influence on me and even though times were difficult we still had the rudimentss and love and fondness was ever showed often. We learnt to assist our female parent out in the family chores to gain money for privileges and this made me view the universe in a different manner.

What do we place as hapless? Even though society saw us every bit hapless as we lived on a low-income and struggled with paying measures, and holding to budget our nutrient shopping ; we did n’t see ourselves every bit hapless as we still managed to acquire the things we wanted. It merely took a spot longer as we had to salvage our job money to be able to purchase it. Besides we still had a 3 sleeping room house in a better country of town. We were rich in larning ethical motives and behaviors to assist us turn as grownups. For me, we saw ourselves really otherwise to how others saw us or assumed us to be as Butler ( 1993 ) says the upseting acknowledgment that is merely in relation to the Other, the relation to what it is non, to exactly what it lacks.

I left school in the center of my a-levels as I wanted to work and gain my ain money. I think this was due to desiring money to be able to afford nice things for myself. Becoming an older adolescent there was more force per unit area from society to hold the stylish apparels and the appliances such as the better nomadic phone and these things classified your individuality in different circles of people. Even though it was little circles of people it felt at the clip so of import to suit in. ‘Social force per unit area, as we were coming to recognize, had the power of a glacier. You might non see it working, but at the terminal of the twenty-four hours it had carved a small spot more of a niche in personal individuality. ‘ ( Holstein & A ; Gubrium 2000:8 )

I got a occupation at a bank as a teller and worked my up to a subdivision director in 4 old ages and was crowned the youngest subdivision director of all time ; but it was n’t every bit easy as I thought it would be. Bing 21 old ages of age and pull offing squads who were preponderantly older than me proved to be a immense job. They saw me as a immature inexperient miss, which was difficult to take as my directors had seen me as an first-class employee and had promoted me so why did n’t they see this? They did n’t give me a opportunity and merely made premises before seeing what I could make to assist them in their occupation. As Cote and Levine ( 2002:120 ) express ‘One individual efforts to show one self-definition, while the other perceives a different definition. The personal individuality as subjectively experienced by one individual is non the same one received by the other. ‘ Equally much as I tried to alter their apprehension of me, they found it excessively difficult to accept and I ended up altering my individuality to suit into what they expected me to be and let them to run the subdivision even though I was the director. I learnt a batch from this period of my life as I became really unhappy being who other people wanted me to be ; as I had achieved so much by myself and my assurance had dropped. I became person I did n’t recognize.

After let go ofing I was losing my individuality at work I found I was losing it at place excessively as my friends had finished a-levels and were away to university ; populating a normal life for our age and I felt I was losing out. I decided to make something with my life and was looking for a new occupation sooner something I truly wanted to make. I had met person who lived in London and I started to see him on a regular basis. I found the life style in London so exciting and different to where I was populating. Every clip I visited my fellow I took on a different personality and became this confident, vibrant & A ; care-free individual. Segal ( 2006 ) said that positive possible egos, can be emancipating because they give you hope that the present ego is non unchangeable. I spent more and more clip in London and wanted to happen a occupation at that place ; I think it was more to make with desiring to populate the exciting life I had found all the clip.

Then I got a daze ; I found out I was pregnant. My whole universe felt turned upside down. I was fighting with who I was and what I was traveling to make. I felt like I was all entirely and I was scared but felt improbably strong for the life within me. This was a clip for alteration, like Giddens said I had acquired a new individuality, a position of maternity. I had more duty now and needed to acquire myself together so I could back up me and my un-born kid. Instantly my individuality changed personally and besides socially. Personally I felt a sense of aspiration and thrust to win as a female parent ; particularly as a lone female parent which socially identified me as different from the other female parents. I did non experience like a typical ‘Lone-parent ‘ female parent which I had antecedently classified them myself. From my point of position they were silly in the first topographic point to acquire pregnant without being in a stable relationship and could non give the kid a good life with there merely being one parent and one income. I felt this manner until I was given that label and realised that I had made those premises without cognizing and this is done on a regular basis mundane by people about other people ‘s individualities. As May explained that the societal class of lone maternity is non one that the lone female parents adopt in their narrative buildings of the ego. ( 2004 )

I needed a occupation and someplace to populate and this was my focal point. I started a temping occupation and saved adequate money for a sedimentation on a house which I moved into merely before my babe was born. When I spoke to my co-workers at work about being an expectant female parent they would oppugn me about my state of affairs of holding a place and being on my ain. I felt it was my responsibility to dispute the narrations but I felt I could ne’er get away them as people, like I did, had old pre-conceptions about being a individual female parent. May explained that individual female parents are regarded with some intuition particularly if they are considered to be excessively immature or non settled plenty to hold a kid.

What are the norms that are constitutes a ‘good ‘ female parent? Motherhood is accorded great significance in Western states: being a ‘good ‘ female parent is peculiarly of import for a successful moral presentation of ego and it is so questionable whether a ‘bad ‘ female parent ( or a female parent who could non demo herself to be ‘good ‘ ) could claim a moral ego ( Liamputtong, 2006 ) Even though lone parents have been more excepted in the societal context of today ; I still was looked upon as being an un-fit female parent as I was entirely and on benefits which immediately gave me my an individuality of being a unsuitable female parent to convey a kid into my universe. It made me more determined than of all time that I could make this and I was non entirely I had my female parent and my household to assist me.

It was n’t easy as I had to maintain confronting society sorting me in classs I did non hold with. After completing my temping occupation I had to travel onto benefits as no 1 would use a pregnant adult female as they would hold to pay pregnancy wage. I felt like I was looked down upon as I had decided to hold a babe while non holding my ain place and a occupation. They treated me like I was beneath them and I felt angry as I had been a bank director before and unluckily due to the fortunes I had to claim benefits. I did n’t desire to be on benefits for the remainder of my life and had high aspiration for myself ; but they did non care I was merely a statistic in a long line of lone-parent anticipant female parents.

It was non an nightlong alteration in individuality, the 9 months of being pregnant gave me the opportunity to alter and accommodate. I withdrew from some activities such as imbibing and clubbing which lead me to lose some friends as I did n’t portion the same individualities any longer. I felt like this was in readying for maternity and would hold changed finally anyhow. Having my boy gave me the inspiration and finding to turn out everyone incorrect and show I can be a good parent on my ain. I had ever wanted to be a instructor but as I was working I ne’er had the chance to discontinue my occupation and survey to go one. This was a perfect clip as I could derive a grade and expression after my boy at the same clip and by the clip I was qualified he would be get downing school and I would hold the same vacation clip off as him and we could pass it together. I would be able to supply for my boy and give him the life he deserves. I put him foremost in everything I do and he has a loving household and friends, a stable place and ne’er goes without. So is that a bad female parent?

To reason individualities change depending on fortunes and societal context. Turning older gives you more intelligence to cover with the altering individualities and to do wiser picks, alternatively of being influenced as much by society. When I was younger I felt my individuality was associated a batch more by equals and material objects, but as I became older I felt my individuality was guided by the picks I made as an person. While being pregnant I felt I was building a new self-identity and at the same clip turn outing myself against pre-conceived individualities. I had a immense addition of self-worth and the more duty I had the more grownup I felt. Society casts many individualities and some are cast by what we see on first glimpse ; but underneath things can be really different and we see different individualities when we get to cognize the individual. I feel this is a learning curve but can ne’er be to the full mastered as society and civilization automatically presume some of our individualities and we conflict to alter people ‘s perceptual experiences of us even though we do non see ourselves in this manner.