Harvie was born into the universe upside down, back to forepart and was christened Harvek Milos Krumpetzki. His male parents name was Maciek, a lumberman with custodies every bit large as shovels and hair that smelt of pine acerate leafs. His female parent ‘s name was Lilliana, a weary adult female with lead in her venas from working in a mine. She was obsessed with numbering her fingers and had conversations with people that merely were n’t at that place. The other villagers stayed good clear of her but she did n’t necessitate friends, now that she had her miracle.
Harvie grew strong and healthy. He had his male parent ‘s ears and his female parent ‘s unfastened bosom, but shortly his parents began to detect distinctive features. He began to hold uneven vellications and liked to touch things with his index finger, for no ground at all. When he met person, he had to touch them on the olfactory organ. The physicians said he had Tourette ‘s syndrome, a encephalon upset that meant he could n’t command his urges. It was like seeking to command a sneezing. There was no remedy or account.
At school Harvie was called “ a midst ” . His friend was Bogush. Bogush stuttered and had jobs with hisaˆ¦ mucous secretion. The other childs threw rocks and together they were tricked, teased and tortured until Lilliana pulled Harvie from school and decided to educate him herself.
Although she was illiterate she knew a batch about “ fakts ” and filled his encephalon with all kinds of material.
An ostrich ‘s oculus is bigger than its encephalon ; butterflies smell with their pess ; and elephants ca n’t leap, no affair how hard they try.
Every twenty-four hours he wrote more and more “ fakts ” in a notebook he carried everyplace.
Fakts still be even if they are ignored.
As Harvie grew taller and stronger his female parent grew shorter and madder, easy taper offing into insanity. Often she ‘s error him for an interloper.
Harvie followed in his male parent ‘s footfalls. He liked working with him but at times felt he needed to be entirely with his jobs. He ‘d chew over the universe beyond, wishing for things to alter and all of a sudden they did.
He returned from a dark of chew overing to happen his place burnt to the land. His female parent had left the range combustion in the dark and Harvie found his parents nearby, frozen and bare.
Certain toads can come back to like when thawed.
Worlds do non.
But there was more to come, the Germans invaded. Harvie escaped and found himself on a ship edge for a topographic point called “ Australia ” . His universe was turned upside down and back to forepart, once more.
Harvie ended up in a little suburb called “ Spottswood ” . He rented a little house with elven other migrators and tried to absorb as best he could by altering his name from Harvek Milos Krumpetzki to Harvie Krumpet.
He got a occupation at the Spottswood Dump and many old ages went by as he saved his money and tried non to indulge. Life did n’t alter much, but his organic structure did. His hair fell out and regrew on his shoulders.
In the eventides he ‘s learn English off an old telecasting he ‘d found amongst the trash. He put small drapes on it and found it a magnetizing beginning of “ fakts ” . The first thing he of all time watched was a Busby Berkley movie. He fell in love with all the bosoms and smilings ; it was so different from the Spottswood Dump.
At work he tried to do friends but for Harvie it was n’t easy.
Harvie ‘s skull had split in half. The physicians inserted a steel home base between his scalp and skull and laced it up with 19 stitches. He was left with a cicatrix that looked like he ‘d had a leukotomy. Harvie wished he had more hair.
He left the Dump and tried to happen new occupations *think of truly deadening jobs* . He seemed to acquire sacked a batch, he did n’t cognize why, but he was ever detecting more facts.
Rubber bands last longer if refrigerated ; the Bible was written by the same people who thought the Earth was level ; and clip does non mend all lesions.
One clip, Harvie got a occupation roll uping golf balls. This is he where he got struck by lightning, but he survived and he even made it into the local new paper.
Harvie began to inquire how he ‘d survived so much bad fortune. Possibly he was like a cat and had nine lives. He thought he had about four left. Actually, the biggest menace to his day-to-day life was the 28 coffin nails he smoked. He developed asthma so went and saw his physician. In those yearss the dangers of smoking were non known. Doctor Greystane recommended Harvie smoke even more. “ Smoke is comforting for the lungs, ” she ‘d state, “ merely similar steam in a sweat room. ”
His asthma worsened, and for every 10 cigarettes he had to hold a whiff from his asthma pump.
Old ages subsequently his physician died from emphysema, merely as the dangers of smoke were eventually revealed.
A coffin nail is a replacement for your female parent ‘s mammilla.
Harvie kept roll uping “ fakts ” and one forenoon discovered one about himself *more explanation here* . His steel home base had become magnetised from the lightning work stoppage. Harvie made the documents, once more.
Harvie ‘s optimism began to crumple. He thought about destiny ‘s atrocious traffics ; how he felt powerless, a victim to the universe. He wondered if she should merely throw it all in.
“ Seize the twenty-four hours Harvieaˆ¦ Seize the dayaˆ¦ Carpe Diemaˆ¦ ”
Roman poet – 65 BC
“ Seize the twenty-four hours! ”
These simple, profound words struck a chord. Harvie decided to turn his universe upside down and back to forepart, once more.
He stopped believing in destiny and did precisely what the statue said. He felt free and alive and joined a nudist group. He became a vegetarian and joined an Animal Liberationists Society, emancipating poulets and their eggs. Harvie did n’t merely prehend the twenty-four hours, he was strangulating it!
There are three times more poulets in the universe than worlds.
Despite his enlightenment, physical jobs still plagued him. One of his testiss developed malignant neoplastic disease and had to be removed, but this was when he met Nurse Valerie Berstle. She had everything he did n’t and was everything he was n’t, yet immediately their pheromones fizzled together like ice-cream and lemonade.
They decided to acquire married and had the ceremonial in Cancer Ward Nine. Harvie wanted a bare nuptials, but Valerie and the infirmary forbade it.
The problem with bare dance is that non everything Michigans when the music does.
Harvie had lost a testis, but gained a married woman. He moved into Val ‘s little flat with her two cats and parrot, Brian. Brian had a parasitic disease which made his plumes drop out. Valerie was invariably knitting small jumpers to maintain him warm. For some ground, the pets resented Harvie.
Love does non suppress all.
Harvie and Val went to bed early every dark and tried to acquire pregnant, but at that place was non adequate sperm in Harvie ‘s alone testis and he was declared sterile.
They decided to follow and came across a small thalidomide miss. They related to her instantly, took her place and named her Ruby, after Val ‘s female parent.
So small, limbless Ruby ; large, bold Val ; and magnetic Harvie became a household.
Harvie gave up working and dedicated his clip to learning Ruby what he knew about the universe. He taught her that animate beings had rights excessively, and to ever esteem the environment every bit good as herself. He told her about the beauty of being bare and to be ne’er ashamed of your organic structure. Everybody was alone. Some people had less spots, some had more spots.
For every new “ fakt ” she remembered he would lodge a gold star to her wall. She adored her male parent, he was full of fast ones and was like holding her ain private buffoon.
The mean individual uses 19 stat mis of dental floss in their life-time.
At school, Ruby excelled. She went into University and came out a attorney, so moved to America and started her ain pattern, defending the rights of the handicapped. Harvie and Val were highly proud.
On Harvie ‘s 65th birthday Valerie ‘s encephalon clotted and she died. It was such a daze, she ‘s ne’er been ill.
Harvie was all entirely once more, he had his girl, but she was so far off. He became a anchorite and stopped rinsing. His head wondered easy into dotage. It was n’t long before they took him away when a neighbor found him seeking to retreat money from the microwave.
42 % of the population ca n’t retrieve their pin figure.
So began the last stage of Harvie ‘s life, at Pleasant Paddocks Nursing Home.
He shared a room with a adult male called Hamish McGrumble. Hamish looked like something off a Sn of shortbread and had nostril hair that looked like he was lodging a household of spiders. He was 94 old ages old and had given up the will to decease. He besides had Alzheimer ‘s and had late burnt his ear seeking to reply the Fe.
Harvie and Hamish pretended to dislike each other. Harvie frequently stole Hamish ‘s dentition, but Hamish ever had his retaliation *more on this perhaps* . Sometimes they ‘d mouse intoxicant into the place and set on drunken shows with knitted finger puppets the ladies were doing for charity. Everyone was exhaustively entertained but were less than impressed when they found Harvie the following forenoon in the corridor, nude.
From so on, Harvie was to stay clad at all times.
Alcohol can do inebriation and nakedness.
Frequently Harvie escaped at dark and took Hamish on carnal release excursions. They ‘d spray mottos like, “ CHOPS HAVE FEELING TOO! ” on store Windowss, and on their manner place pigment over adolescents graffiti with their ain expressions like, “ Slow and Steady Wins the Race ” .
Escaping Alzheimer ‘s patients were a peculiar job at Pleasant Paddocks. The staff would happen them at coach Michigans waiting to travel and see relations, long dead. To work out this they put an old coach halt in the place ‘s garden where the Alzheimer ‘s could sit for hours waiting for a coach that would ne’er come.
Time drizzled on while everyone sat around and waited to decease. Harvie ‘s Alzheimer ‘s began to decline as he slipped in and out of dream universe. After these charming episodes Harvie would acquire highly down and was put on an astonishing new drug, Prozac. But the lone thing that truly cheered him up were the letters from Ruby across the universe. He wished she ‘s visit more. Harvie ‘s head grew darker and the fire in his belly began to taper off. One dark he decided to stop things.
He snuck into the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle/jar of morphia, but life had one more challenge for Harvie. One the manner back to his room he came across a adult female he ‘d ne’er run into. Her name was Wilma ; she had a cancerous goiter and was embarrassed to go forth her room during the twenty-four hours. She was waiting for decease to travel rapidly up.
They sat and spoke and shared the morphia long into the dark. In the dark, Harvie realised he had some more living to make. Wilma had decided she needed no more.
Harvie was traveling to bask what clip he had left. He took off his apparels and went and sat in the forenoon Sun, it shone on his face and he smiled for the first clip in a long piece as he waited for the unseeable coach. He knew it would ne’er come, but he did n’t mind.
Life is like a coffin nail.
Smoke it to the butt.